Right, so whats new in my world?
decided i dont like xmas or new year. shit things always happen, and they seem worse because its meant to be a happy time of year. the past 4 days have been incredibly shit. i jsut want to cry sumtimes. i dnt know why im beign so honest. maybe its coz the people who the journal effects and is about wont read it. then again,they mit, and thus think im being attention-seeking. but i really dnt give a fuck anymore. right, so where shall i start with my whinge?
firstly, one of my friends has been repeatedly blacking out, losing weight, and being generally ill for the past 4 odd months, and the doctors havent even gotten the results for her tests, which she did 3 months ago!
secondly, one of my best friends has decided that he's fat, and ugly, and thus has decided that he's not going to eat again til he weighs only 8 stone, or sumthing similar. this is a guy who is/was incredibly hot and good looking, until he decided this. he's maybe about 5' 10, and currently weighs 60 kilos. he's lost 1/2 a stone in 1 weeks. thats a pound a day. which is very very bad. he's started getting signs of malnutrition (blotchy skin), and he looks really ill. and i love him. and i dnt know how to help him. im really worried about him. i want to speak to him, try and convince him that he is good-looking, and a wonderful guy (he's the nicest guy ive ever met. seriously. for those of u who have read terry pratchett, he's like captain carrot from the discworld books). but im shit with words. i dnt do words, i can never think or say the right thing. i can only do actions (sometimes), and try and make people laugh. and thats not going to help.
i also found out 2day that im going to lose my job, because im going to australia for 5 weeks, and visiting family either side of the traveling. my boss has known for months that im going away, and jsut after ive booked everything,a dn tehres no going back, she says 'ooh, 7 weeks away is a bit long. we cant really keep her job open for that long.'. so wham, im buggered. possibly. i ahv one hope, which is that my friend mit be able to cover me for those 7 weeks, and then i can get my job back. but it wont be the same. coz the friend who be hot,and also one of closest friends, is going back to poland. and he wont be coming back, at least not for a year or 2. but thats not so bad. im planning on stalking him in poland.
he said i could visit him. so, even though everything else has been fucked up, ive still got that!
and theres more to come. ive got 2 main jobs, and today i asked the people at my other job (the one im not getting fired from) if there would be any chance of me getting a fulltime job after oz, and explained about my bitch of a boss. and the only way i could do that is by 'workinga millions times harder and starting immediately'. which i cant do. so thats fucked up. im buggered. in one feel swoop, my boss has messed up my short-term life.
im probably over-exaggerating, but right now i dnt give a fuck. i cant sleep, dnt eat, work 2 much, and worry about everybody. right now i jsut want to die. 2day, i had a bowl of soup, a sandwich, and some malteasers. also had 5 hours sleep, and feel like utter shit. sometimes, i really jsut want to die, jsut so everything would stop. i dnt think i mean that, but im not sure anymore.
Diamond281
Thrilled
which sucks ass. but, he's coming up in november to edinburgh, which is where i will be stayin by then, due to uni.
Lonely
